The Voice

I think it is funny... and mind boggling at the same time.

I recently realized that my voice is not as good as before when I sing hehe.

Born into keluarga berdarah seni, most of my siblings are good singers or musicians. My ears are sensitive, I can detect if the notes is a bit flat or a bit sharp. 

Recently when I read Quran alone as a practice for my fortnightly tajwid class,  I tried to read aloud with decent tunes. Not even tarannum. Funny that I hear my voice very unstable.. I cannot stay on the right course. A lot of flats and sharps here and there. What happens? Then I tried to sing a few songs and record it. I was struggling especially at high notes. I can't reach the notes decently even I am using mix voice or head voice. And the notes is not that high pun. Still within an octave. My voice sounds funny..

My analytical thinking is working very hard. Then I realised and I remember I read it somewhere that our vocal chord is a muscle. If it is not used and exercised often, the muscles will become weak.

This is my findings. After I retired from my job, I rarely speak loudly. Previously, I often deals with the users, conducting meeting and workshops, which requires me to speak loudly.  Now at home, there is no kids to be yelled at hehe. My daily Quran reading only requires me to use my soft voice. Using only mix voice. Which does not require much energy. I rarely used my chest voice. Usually you use your chest voice when you want to speak loudly. And of course when you talk loudly, your vocal chord will vibrate and work extra hard. 

So that's it then.  My vocal chord is getting weak and getting old. It is under utilized and as we aged, our muscle is not as flexible as before. Now I understand, some people do not have good voice not because they are tone-deaf, but because they are not used to sing. And now I am one of them haha...

Suddenly I am amazed with this creation called vocal chord, Subhanallah.. 

Ok, now I need to start working on my vocal chord. Not to sing (well I did sometimes when I am alone hehe), but so that I can read Quran loudly in front of Ustazah with just a pleasant tunes.. insya allah :)

Luqman - 2nd year through UniKL BMI

Alhamdulillah

After a dramatic detour in his study journey, he managed to score an excellent result in this final semester exam during the first year in UniKL BMI. 

Looks like the drama does not ends there. Untuk 2nd year, Luqman tak dapat hostel, so kena cari rumah sewa. Memandangkan kami sudah berpindah ke Seremban, agak terbatas untuk Luqman pergi house hunting. Tapi ada juga la sekali dia pergi tengok satu rumah ni. Rumah yang ni nampak cantik juga. Agak decent. Luqman tunjuk gambar. Cuma lokasinya agak ke dalam sikit, jauh dari kedai-kedai. And then ada seorang lagi kawan Luqman yang tinggal kt KL, pergi tengok rumah lain. Bincang punya bincang, diorang decide untuk ambil yang kawan Luqman tengok tu. Sebab lebih dekat dengan UniKL.

Tibalah hari untuk berpindah. Kami dua kereta dari Seremban, bawak barang Luqman. Bila sampai sana, access road dia kena masuk jalan kecik antara rumah-rumah orang. Ada satu lagi jalan yang senang sikit, tapi curam 45 darjah nak naik bukit nak ke rumah tu huhu.. Aduhai. Bila tengok rumah pulak, alamak macam tak sampai hati la nak biar luqman tinggal kat situ. Memang kecik dengan bilik air bocor. Bilik air pun kecik takde sinki takde ruang shower. Alahai. Mulalah ayah mama panas... Macamana korang tengok rumah ni? Rupanya haritu tengok rumah lain tapi tingkat atas. Diorang nak tukar unit bawah ada kosong. Sebab hari tu video yang rumah yang diorang tengok tu mama pun dah tengok macam ok. Ada 2 bilik air lagi. Luqman pun tak puas hati. Dia kata rumah yang dia tengok hari tu jauh lebih baik daripada yang ni. Luqman call semula rumah yang tu tapi dah ada orang masuk dah. Takde rezeki.

Lepas tu kita tanya kalau ada unit lain yang kosong. Rumah yang diorang tengok mula2 hari tu dah ada orang. So tengok rumah lain tingkat atas. Boleh la.. Better sikit dari rumah yang pertama. Walaupun mama rasa macam.. hmmm... Tapi nak buat macamana. Deposit pun dah bayar.

Ayah cerita rasa macam nak luku2 je kawan Luqman yang tengok rumah tu. Tak tengok ke ok ke tak ok rumah tu? Besar kecik besar kecik je ayah tengok. Tapi memandangkan Luqman kata itulah kawan yang Luqman paling rapat, banyak tolong Luqman, ayah pun sabar je.. hehe..

So decide duduk jelah dulu. Barang pun dah bawak. Tengok macamana kalau tak serasi nanti cari tempat lain atau cuba apply hostel. 

Macam tu lah dramanya. 2-3 hari ni memang mama tak tenang. Malam pun susah nak tidur memikirkan keadaan Luqman. Oh lupa nak cerita, rumah2 tu macam setinggan bertingkat la gayanya huhu.. Rumah2 yang buat sendiri kat tanah2 lot. Kat area Sg Chincin. Semalam call Luqman, cakap kat dia nanti bila budak2 baru dah settle down cuba la mintak hostel. Mesti ada kosong tu. Luqman kata, ah malas lah nak kena pindah2. Hmmm...

Mama bukan apa. Sedih sebab mama ayah punya lah berhabis duit siapkan dan cantikkan rumah Seremban ni. Tapi Luqman duduk rumah macam setinggan. Mama patutnya boleh je kalau nak suruh Luqman n kawan2 duduk kat apartment Ayuman tu. Proper la sikit. Mama topup la balance selebihnya yang diorang tak mampu kalau nak bayar 3-4 ratus sebulan sorang. Kalau tau macam tu rumahnya mungkin dah boleh bincang lebih awal. Bukan nak salahkan sapa-sapa. Cuma rasa sedih dan bersalah. Walaupun diorang dah besar, dah adult bak kata ayah, masing2 pun ada duit Mara, tapi Luqman tetap masih dalam tanggungan mama ayah.

Kalau dikenang-kenangkan memang banyak cabaran Luqman ni. Mama cuma mampu doakan semoga Allah beri kekuatan dan kesabaran kepada Luqman. 

My Blepharospasm Journey 5: The Treatment - Botulinum Toxin

In modern medicine, there is no cure for blepharospasm. But there are ways to manage the symptom. The most common one is the botulinum toxin injection. Ever heard of botox? People take botox injection for beauty purposes. But for blepharospasm patients, it is a live saver. Unfortunately, it is not the case for me.

Remember that blepharospasm means your eyelid muscle is too active that it squeezes a lot until you cannot open your eyelid in a normal way. So injecting botox around the eyelids will help to weaken the muscles around the eyes. After a few days, it will help the person to be able to open their eyes more comfortably. The botox effectiveness usually last for 3 months. Hence, after 3 months, the patient should take another shot. That is basically the lifecycle. So every 3 months, you need to see your doctor to have the injection. If your effectiveness last earlier that 3 months, you still need to wait until 3 months for the next shot to ensure that the botox has fully worn off from your body. 

Now the problem is every person is not the same in terms of the amount of botox and the pattern of injection. The doctor must be very expert and experienced to guess the right pattern for the patients. Even so, there is no guarantee. So it is a trial and error. Based on my reading on the internet and support groups, there are people who are very lucky to get the positive result the first time. But mostly they found the right pattern after 2 or 3 times. There are also patients who waited until 5th time. But there are also patients who have tried many times and finally have to accept the fact that botox is not for them.

I think I am one of them. I have taken botox for 4 times. That is equivalent to one year period. (You can only retry after 3 months). Each time, my effectiveness only lasted for 1-2 weeks. My doctor said, there is no point to continue if it does not help me. So that is the end of me visiting my neurologist.

But I am still hopeful. There are other alternatives that I can try.